Saving Lives and Stamping out Disease

The Tale of the Butter Thief

We are in the process of finding a home for this lovely little dog.  This little sweetheart, was found by my wife at a livestock auction after being stuck in a box there with a sign on her saying free.  Sucker that she is, she soon brought this lovely little girl home so that we could find her permanent living arrangements.  I named her MUTTILDA for her diverse genetic background.  She is quite gentle and is socializing well.  She is also now crate trained.  Little did I know....  she possessed a dark secret.  While I had her loose in the house I decided to bake some tasty pumpkin bread pudding.  While allowing the pound of butter I use to reach room temperature, an entire stick DISAPPEARED! I realize that medical school has left me with a substantial amount of brain damage, but it is terrbly hard to lose an entire stick of butter.  I looked in the refridgerator, the trash, the microwave, and the sink.  No butter was to be found.  Unable to complete my recipe, I had to get my sister to bring me more butter.  Meanwhile, Muttilda was happy, and content... perhaps too content.  The next thing I know.  HAAARRRRRFFFFFF.   The missing butter is found and a thief is found to be hiding in my own home.  Behold the thief caught red handed!

 

IUSM MS2 Faculty Disco Elves!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Fun With Furry Creatures

Last weekend I had the unique opportunity to go to something I guarantee none of my peers have had the fortune to experience.  I WENT TO A RABBIT SHOW!!!!! I know how jealous you all are.  All the cool kids want to be there. For those of you interested, check out the American Rabbit Breeders Association.  You can see a lot of cute, furry creatures as well as the rabbits that they show.  It is also a great way to meet lonely, sexually repressed women that just want something to love them.  Get some!

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

Nick Can Haz Cheezeburger

moar funny pictures

Any chance I can get to put a frozen ring of ice on my child's head and carefully place him just under a glowing light is one I won't pas up.

Fodder for Future Therapy Sessions

moar funny pictures

No trip to the supermarket is complete without taking embarrassing pictures of your child.

Fred Thompson at His Snarkiest Best

Fred Thompson at His Snarkiest Best

Posted using ShareThis

Douchenozzle of the Week - Roy Pearson

>

Infamous denizen of numerous off-beat news stories, former judge Roy Pearson, was once again legally kicked in the junk for his painfully infamous $54 million lawsuit over a pair of pants. Washington DC Court of Appeals ruled that Mr. Pearson's claims were without merit, thus ending this painful round of legal self-gratification by a man who once had the authority to legally judge others. Sadly, he has taken up valuable public court time, the time and effort of the defense team (thankfully done pro-bono), and ruined the financial lives of the Chung family. Thankfully, hospitals don't post a "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign posted anywhere. Why? Perhaps because someone may sue them for failing to satisfy them completely. Remember, we deal with life and death, this guy just lost a pair of pants. You can imagine just how upset when someone is sick. You can also imagine just how irate they get when someone makes a mistake. Human beings make mistakes, some of them cause harm to people. When you enter into any person to person interaction, there is a chance that one of them may make a mistake. The more people you add to the equation, the greater the chance you have of making a mistake. The longer you have someone involved in that interaction, the greater the chance of error. Imagine being a physician who has been awake over 24 hours who is caring for multiple patients. Imagine how easy it would be to order the wrong test, miss a vital piece of information, or make a procedural error. Now, realize that in a modern ICU environment, there are multiple teams of doctors participating in the care of a patient. There certainly are a lot of opportunities for something to go wrong... and they do. Thank goodness that physicians aren't responsible for taking care of Mr. Pearson's pants. I would wonder how high malpractice premiums would be were that the case.

When 911 Fails WTF Do You Do?

Let's say that you were sleeping comfortably at home.  You're all snuggled into your bed, you're recovering from yet another day of studying mind-numbing medical school pain, and you wake to a sound much like something exploding outside your bedroom window.  Suffice it say that you are extremely awake.  You look around your house trying to figure out if anything important has detonated... Nothing...  You fly over to the window to discover a single light shining up from your front yard.  It is a light that should not be there.  This is what happened to us about a week ago. 

So, of course, I call 911 and report a MVC car vs. pole, unknown injured and request PD and fire/rescue.  My wife and I suit up in our handy Carhartt cold gear and head to investigate.  Here is what we discover:

We discover 2 individuals that have self-extricated.  1 is vomiting and the other has complex hand lacerations.  Fortunately, a good Samaritan stops and the poor bastards take refuge in his SUV.  I call 911 again to update the situation with 2 patients.  The operator informs me that there has already been multiple calls and there were units dispatched.  The Good Samaritan informs me that he has also called 911, hand lac guy says he called 911, and apparently the douche neighbor of mine did as well.  This makes a total of 5 911 calls for this accident.  This is about 5:30 am.  We wait and wait.  I get the Good Sam to pull off the road and into my driveway.  45 MINUTES AFTER MY 911 CALL police pull in.  Of course, this is after a police cruiser drives right by us waving, shouting, and flashing our lights at him.  The officer realizes there are injuries and calls for EMS.  1 hour 2 minutes after my call, they arrive and transport.  This is simply unacceptable. There were multiple epic failures here.

#1 No ambulance was dispatched
Why?  I reported injuries.  I reported car vs. pole.   Unacceptable

#2 45 minutes for PD
The officer tells us that he wasn't very far away when the call came out, but that it was close to shift change.  When he picked up on the fact that I was pretty pissed that they seriously f'd up, he shut up.

Thankfully they were able to get out and they didn't die.  Also, big kudos to the guy that stopped and offered 2 hurt strangers the warmth of his vehicle.  It is a rare things to see such kindness.  Good job.  I notified the mayor's action center about this incident and have yet to hear back.

Remember, when seconds count, the police are just minutes away.

BONUS PICS

Here's where they slid clear across our front yard. You can't see the neighbor's mailbox (or what is left of it) or the demolished cable box.  Hitting ice is bad.

Here is where they were airborne. You can just see where they landed past the red cup.

Here is my poor tree.  It looks like this is what they hit before they rolled onto their side.

This is what the bottom of a car looks like.

All Medical Schools Must Do this Immediately

COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — The iPod is going to medical school.

Officials said Tuesday that an Apple Inc. portable media player will become standard equipment for Ohio State University med students.

They'll use the devices to view videos of medical treatments and review images of the human body and organs. Students with the handheld gadgets also will be able to show patients photographs to help identify medications they're already taking before any new drugs are given.

Third-year medical student Justin Harper is credited with recognizing the potential in the iPod "touch" model, equivalent to an Apple iPhone without the telephone features.

The university says within two years every Ohio State medical student will be issued an iPod touch loaded with special medical software.

This is a fantastic Idea.  An even better idea would be to issue iPhones.  This would eliminate the need for the dreaded pagers that get "lost" or "broken" frequently.  SMS messaging could deliver more precise notices to physicians and students.  The 3G connectivity could be used to access data and email anywhere.  Roll all this into tuition and fees and we'll be set.  Group discounts would be a certainty and it would be deductible as an educational expense.  How can we make this happen everywhere? (BECAUSE I REEEEEAALLLY WANT ONE)

IUSM MS2 Faculty Elves - For A Limited Time Only!

I am a bad person, but this is so much fun. I never knew they had holiday jobs...  or that Dr. Hilgarth was so pale.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards