Saving Lives and Stamping out Disease

Fun with the Fence

After 3 days, several hundred dollars , 6 pots of coffee, and painful, cold extremities, the fence is up.  It is with high hopes that we erected it to prevent our douchenozzle neighbors from harassing us with the regular intensity that they are famous for.  I am not sure what we should paint on it, but I have a few ideas.


















Any suggestions?

Tale of Five Surgeons

Five Surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the asses are interchangeable."

Communication in Medicine - How Not to Be a Dick.

The world of medicine is a strange one, filled with strange people doing strange things, usually because someone did something...  well strange.  Where else in society is it acceptable to cut others with knives and shoot them full of drugs(Amsterdam and Tijuana excluded of course)? It is only logical that this world would have its own language and communication style.  Here is a glimpse into the bizarre world of communication in medicine and how not to be a dick poor communicator while you are in it.

STRANGE WORDS
We have strange words in medicine.  They were created to make us sound a lot smarter and to shorten things up. For example, the current mainstay procedure for the correction of an inflamed gallbladder is a laparoscopic cholecystectomy.  It shortens up significantly the following: "Poking holes in the patient sticking cameras and scissors in there, then yanking the little bastard sick gallbladder out.  It saves time, but apparently not enough time.  They are often referred to as lap-chole's.  This is, of course, much shorter.  The logical conclusion will be that we are eventually going to call them LCs or perhaps just make clicks and whistles. There are other words we throw around that will frequently leave normal people looking at us like we have two heads (polycephaly).  Dyspepsia is not in fact a painful soft drink, it is indigestion. Pleurisy is not a condition that means having more than one of something, it is the inflammation of the lining of the lungs.  My favorite is pachycephalic which means "thick skulled" or "thick headed" I am surprised that this is not a term used to describe members of the medical community.  Throwing around strange words in front of people without explaining them is not the sign of a good communicator.  Often, physicians forget that everyone does not have the same fund of knowledge that they do and will entirely confuse a patient.  If you are a patient, ask them what they are talking about.  They obviously need to explain things better.   If you are a health care provider and continue to assault patients with medical lingo despite reading this, you are likely a dick poor communicator.

STRANGE ABBREVIATIONS
Only in a special group of people would "PT OOB TID" make any sense. It stands for Patient Out of Bed Three Times Daily and is not, an anagram for anything else.  (I now wonder how many people are looking to see what words can be made from those letters)  FOOSH is not a type of nerf toy, rather it stands for "Fall on Outstretched Hand". PERRL is not a programming language or the precious stone found in an oyster, it is "Pupils Equal Round and Reactive to Light".  It is no wonder many patients get confused when we discuss their care in front of them.  It is my opinion that any discussion of a patient's care done in front of the patient should be done in a language that they can understand.  Does this always happen?  Nope.

STRANGE MEDICAL SLANG
Truthfully this is my favorite because it shows the creativity of health care workers.  There are many "Codes" in the hospital.  While a "Code Blue" means cardiac and/or respiratory arrest, CODE BROWN means poop.  "Frequent Fliers" are not passengers on airplanes; rather they are patients who frequent medical establishments with irritating regularity.  Vitamin "A" and "H" are code for ativan and haldol. ART (Assuming Room Temperature)  and FTD (Fixing To Die) are slang for patients who are dying.  There are a whole host of similar and even more humorous creations in existence and none of them should be used in front of patients or on any form of documentation.  They are often rude, unprofessional, and not conducive to providing appropriate care.  These are also exceptionally unpleasant things to have to explain in court if you should have to testify regarding a patient.  "Your Honor the T:T ratio is certainly not the Tattoo to Tooth ratio, rather it is ......."  Have I seen these used in front of patients?  Yes.  Have I seen them used on documentation?  Yes.  If you routinely use these slang terms around patients you will quickly lose their respect as well as the respect of others.  You are also likely a dick poor communicator.

STRANGE PATTERNS OF COMMUNICATION

Medical personnel have odd patterns of communication.  Where else can two people be carrying on a conversation and stop, midsentence, and leave to do something.  Seriously, watch sometime.  It is great for people with ADD (like me) who can switch thoughts and tasks instantly and without thought (not that I think much).  For those who actually like fully communicating thoughts and information, it can be very painful to get used to.  Physicians in hospitals also have serious timing issues.  Were you to go to someone's home, a hotel, or tent at 5:30 in the morning, wake them up, and ask them a multitude of questions about their pain, condition, and general well-being you would likely be cursed at, beaten, or shot.  There is a fair amount of confusion among physicians regarding this.  It is a practice that has been perpetuated for years and leads to multiple rounding on patients because "they just weren't mentating".  Perhaps if patients were awake when doctors interacted with them, better results would be obtained.  Of course this is likely not true for anesthesiologists who tend to like to have sleeping patients.  Finally, there is inter-professional communication.  This includes but not limited to physician-physician, physician-nurse, and physician-student communication.  Excellent docs are ones that can effectively communicate their thoughts to others and see that they are carried out to the best interest of the patient.  Other professions feel empowered to do their jobs and are a part of the team.  Students feel like they are making a difference and learn a great deal more. It was once explained to me that learning that involves an emotional response leads to better retention.  That response can be positive or negative, it is just easier and faster to elicit a negative one.  It takes time and thought to make the experience positive and there are a significant number of physicians who have a problem with this.  While the majority of docs are, at least, fair communicators, the real stinkers leave a lasting, if not painful, impression. The "praise in public, criticize in private" method is a good model.  Publicly dressing down interns, nurses, and others trying to provide care is not good communication.  If you are one of these individuals, I highly recommend you recognize the behavior and take steps to correct it.  If not, you are probably a dick poor communicator.

Enjoy these links to interesting medical slang!

http://slangrn.com/

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/node/2560

http://www.cracked.com/article_16302_8-medical-terms-your-doctor-uses-insult-you.html

Douchebag Neighbors: The Saga Continues

At a quarter till one in the morning I happened to be awake preparing Bonnie the Baby Goat's bottle when the outside dogs go nuts.  When they start barking I always head out to see what is going on.  I expected some kind of strange critter bothering the animals or a prowler.  For the second reason I always have a very large maglite and my Glock 21.  What I found was quite surprising.  My neighbor was out in the middle of his yard waving his arms and shining his flashlight at the outside kennel dogs.  Immediately I yell "HEY!"  He shuts the light off and takes off around the back of his house.   The whole time I am thinking OMGWTF???  and I immediately call my wife.  She's pretty pissed off by the whole deal (and rightfully so)  and suggests I call the police.  I have the greatest respect for our law enforcement and I HATE to bother them with any issues I may have.  I called the non-emergency IMPD # and shortly thereafter three officers show up.

They were exceptionally friendly and professional.  I apologised for bothering them in the middle of the night but I had no idea what else to do.  The father douche communicates only by yelling and screaming at his child and has repeatedly oogled my wife when he thought nobody was looking.  I don't think setting foot on his property would be a good idea and phone conversations would likely be recieved as well as attempts at communicating in person.  They confronted my douchebag neighbor now to be known as "DBN" who lamented the woes of living next to us. DBN then said he would "drop it this time" and would pursue things through animal control and legal channels.

...BLINK...
...BLINK...

 If I recall correctly, I was the one who called the police... hmmm... It looks like we will be getting yet another visit from animal control through them. Or, I guess I could say Mr. Anonymous... Maybe they will call CPS and the health department again! I wonder how much taxpayer money and public servant time they have wasted harassing us.

I should start a pool for people to bet on which agency will visit us next.  Any takers???

Technorati Tags: douchebag, neighbors

Peta Once Again Proves They Are Insane

In a dazzling display of why they themselves should be spayed or neutered, PETA chose to parade in front of the Westminster Kennel Club Dogshow dressed as the KKK.  While it is tempting to like them for programs such as "Angels for Animals", they perpetually act in such idiotic ways that they destroy any credibility they have.  When choosing to broadcast a message to open up people's minds to new ideas, it probably isn't a good idea to dress up as people who have extremely closed minds and really shitty ideas.  Dumbasses....

BONUS:  PETA now has a Striptease Quiz where you answer questions in hopes to see a "schoolgirl" take it all off.  Strangely, I got 100%.  Aside from being in poor taste and a cheap marketing gimmick (well, actually I like that part about it), the ending leaves a lot to be desired. 

Here is their fake AKC meeting PSA involving more of their KKK douchiness.

 

Learn more about PETA's ABC campaign at PETA.org.

A Visit From Indinapolis Animal Control

Today started out as quite a crappy day.  Nothing sets the tone of a morning like a surprise visit from Indianapolis Animal Control.  The biggest surprise was that we didn't know this particular officer.  She was exceptionally professional and friendly throughout her inspection.  The poor woman was responding to an "Anonymous" report of animal abuse and neglect that was supposedly occurring at our little farm in the city.  Inadequate shelter, no food or water and general dislike of us were the complaints.  We have always had issues with the Anonymous family who may or may not live next door to us.  These are the anonymous douche bags who may or may not have shot fireworks at our animals, hit them with sticks, and possibly poisoned them at least once.  I'm sure that if they had any kind of balls integrity, honesty, or redeemable qualities, they would identify themselves as concerned citizens.

We went through the usual routine of inspection of all our animals, inspection of their warm, strawed houses, their heated water troughs, and partially eaten breakfasts from the morning.  We followed it up with our specially designed rabbit super hutch complete with insulation and heat lamps.  We once again demonstrated that everyone was micro-chipped or tattooed. We also offered the use of our scanner to prove that the chips are valid.  The officer took her report and, once again, we were told that they found no violation what so ever.  I felt badly that she had to waste so much time. She really was nice. 

Once again the douche-nozzle "Anonymous" has wasted hours of my time as well as the time and money of our local government.  Truthfully, I wish they would leave us alone and quit causing us so much trouble .  The last time they decided to be "Anonymous"  we got visits from Child Protective Services, the Department of Health, and the Weed Department.  The weed people got so tired of them calling that we had to cut down the hedge we were growing between the TWO fences we have put between us.  I spent an entire weekend planting them.  FYI, a 10 year old boy is quite capable of hitting animals with a stick when you have only one fence.  The police have told them repeatedly to stop molesting our critters and mind their own businesses.  Short of them spontaneously becoming not douches a lot nicer, I don't know what we can do to stop them.  I am open to suggestions.  To illustrate the rampant abuse we are allegedly inflicting upon helpless creatures here is a picture of one of our baby bunnies obviously suffering. 

Douchenozzle of the Week - Roy Pearson

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Infamous denizen of numerous off-beat news stories, former judge Roy Pearson, was once again legally kicked in the junk for his painfully infamous $54 million lawsuit over a pair of pants. Washington DC Court of Appeals ruled that Mr. Pearson's claims were without merit, thus ending this painful round of legal self-gratification by a man who once had the authority to legally judge others. Sadly, he has taken up valuable public court time, the time and effort of the defense team (thankfully done pro-bono), and ruined the financial lives of the Chung family. Thankfully, hospitals don't post a "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign posted anywhere. Why? Perhaps because someone may sue them for failing to satisfy them completely. Remember, we deal with life and death, this guy just lost a pair of pants. You can imagine just how upset when someone is sick. You can also imagine just how irate they get when someone makes a mistake. Human beings make mistakes, some of them cause harm to people. When you enter into any person to person interaction, there is a chance that one of them may make a mistake. The more people you add to the equation, the greater the chance you have of making a mistake. The longer you have someone involved in that interaction, the greater the chance of error. Imagine being a physician who has been awake over 24 hours who is caring for multiple patients. Imagine how easy it would be to order the wrong test, miss a vital piece of information, or make a procedural error. Now, realize that in a modern ICU environment, there are multiple teams of doctors participating in the care of a patient. There certainly are a lot of opportunities for something to go wrong... and they do. Thank goodness that physicians aren't responsible for taking care of Mr. Pearson's pants. I would wonder how high malpractice premiums would be were that the case.

When 911 Fails WTF Do You Do?

Let's say that you were sleeping comfortably at home.  You're all snuggled into your bed, you're recovering from yet another day of studying mind-numbing medical school pain, and you wake to a sound much like something exploding outside your bedroom window.  Suffice it say that you are extremely awake.  You look around your house trying to figure out if anything important has detonated... Nothing...  You fly over to the window to discover a single light shining up from your front yard.  It is a light that should not be there.  This is what happened to us about a week ago. 

So, of course, I call 911 and report a MVC car vs. pole, unknown injured and request PD and fire/rescue.  My wife and I suit up in our handy Carhartt cold gear and head to investigate.  Here is what we discover:

We discover 2 individuals that have self-extricated.  1 is vomiting and the other has complex hand lacerations.  Fortunately, a good Samaritan stops and the poor bastards take refuge in his SUV.  I call 911 again to update the situation with 2 patients.  The operator informs me that there has already been multiple calls and there were units dispatched.  The Good Samaritan informs me that he has also called 911, hand lac guy says he called 911, and apparently the douche neighbor of mine did as well.  This makes a total of 5 911 calls for this accident.  This is about 5:30 am.  We wait and wait.  I get the Good Sam to pull off the road and into my driveway.  45 MINUTES AFTER MY 911 CALL police pull in.  Of course, this is after a police cruiser drives right by us waving, shouting, and flashing our lights at him.  The officer realizes there are injuries and calls for EMS.  1 hour 2 minutes after my call, they arrive and transport.  This is simply unacceptable. There were multiple epic failures here.

#1 No ambulance was dispatched
Why?  I reported injuries.  I reported car vs. pole.   Unacceptable

#2 45 minutes for PD
The officer tells us that he wasn't very far away when the call came out, but that it was close to shift change.  When he picked up on the fact that I was pretty pissed that they seriously f'd up, he shut up.

Thankfully they were able to get out and they didn't die.  Also, big kudos to the guy that stopped and offered 2 hurt strangers the warmth of his vehicle.  It is a rare things to see such kindness.  Good job.  I notified the mayor's action center about this incident and have yet to hear back.

Remember, when seconds count, the police are just minutes away.

BONUS PICS

Here's where they slid clear across our front yard. You can't see the neighbor's mailbox (or what is left of it) or the demolished cable box.  Hitting ice is bad.

Here is where they were airborne. You can just see where they landed past the red cup.

Here is my poor tree.  It looks like this is what they hit before they rolled onto their side.

This is what the bottom of a car looks like.

Douchenozzle of the Week - People Who Don't Tip

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Our weekly douchenozzle, isn't a single person, it's a group of people.  You know who they are.  These are the really huge pains in the ass people who always seem to have the most complicated and time consuming demands, yet never seem to show any monetary appreciation.  Here is a little insight from this weekend.

The Irvington Ghost Tours are going on every Friday and Saturday through Halloween.  I hear they are really fun and always attract a large group of people.  The groups start off at Lazy Daze Coffeehouse, an establishment were I frequently study at all hours of the day and night.  I witnessed multiple couples order time-intestive beverages and never put a single coin in the tip jar.  I can personally attest that the baristas there that night worked their butts off and were screwed woefully undercompensated.  I would probably go postal on someone the fourth or fifth time I had to remind them that they aren't at a Monoclonal Coffee Cancer Starbucks and are at a real coffee shop.  Still, these douchetastic individuals rattled off their automiton faux-coffeshop lingo unaware that Kenny G wasn't playing on the Musak and that regular patrons had a hatred fixed on them trying to carebear stare them out of the place.  In the end there were a couple very nice people going home with light wallets and no small amount of frustration.

Remember kids, tipping = good karma.  Not tipping = kittens in jars.   Got it?
Technorati Tags: demotivator, tipping, douchenozzle

Douchenozzle of the Week - Gold's Gym

First, let me preface this statement that I am horribly biased against globo big box gyms since I am now a dedicated crossfitter.  That being said, I am still a member at Gold's because I haven't had the time to get the hell out of dodge cancel my membership.  Once again, medical school interferes with life.

I haven't been to Gold's in a long time.  Sure, it is conveniently located on the east side and was fairly cheap, but I began to notice some things there that I didn't care for.

#1 Trainer Turnover
There were some very dedicated traditional trainers at Gold's.  There were also some people with questionable certifications, poor people skills, poor training skills, and one convicted sex offender.  I went through 4 trainers there.  I still have sessions owed to me.  I'll pass on them.  The trainers they have left there are terribly overscheduled and I would often only get 2/3 of my hour session. 

#2 Scary Clientèle
I noticed a growing number of members that would never workout and just sit and watch people.  While there is nothing wrong with oogling girls in spandex people-watching, it gets disturbing when it is done in a predatory manner.  I also found it disturbing to not understand the language being spoken while the aforementioned oogling people-watching occurred. 

#3 Broken  and Dirty Equipment
Broken lockers were quite common.  It didn't look like these were over-use damages.  These looked a lot like people who wanted to bypass locks and acquire the good within.  Cardio machines would be perpetually out of service.  On multiple occasions, I notified the front desk about machines that were out of service.  Some remained so for months upstairs. 

Now these guys have the stones to swindle me out of charge me more money for a ghetto crappy gym.  I have to call bullshit on that one.  When I signed up (I am a charter member) I was told that the fee would never increase.  Technically, they have not increased my monthly fee, they added an additional fee that I never agreed to. Let's do some math.

Let's say that I pay $20 a month.  (I pay more because of the childcare I don't use.  Yes it is stupid and wasteful)

I would now have a $15 fee that would be paid twice yearly.  15x2=30

$30/year divided by 12 months  30/12 = $2.50

2.5/20 = 0.125

That means a 12.5% increase in money coming out of my pocket.  Did I mention that I never agreed to this bullshit fee?  Some of you might say "Hey it's only $30 a year and you might get something extra from it!  Cheapass!"  My response is this:

Give me $30.   You can paypal it to me here:  ben@benweger.com  While you are at it, I would like you to do it every year and I may or may not increase the amount you are giving me at any time.  I will then use this money for something that you may or may not use.  It would also go toward things that you would expect me to do with any money you are already giving me.  Sound good?   Great!  While you are at it I have some magic beans for you.

Thus, this week's douchenozzle is Gold's Gym. Thank you for reminding me to cancel my membership and why I need to do it as soon as possible.  Technorati Tags: demotivator, douchenozzle, gold's gym, surcharges