Saving Lives and Stamping out Disease

The Careful Application of Lead Cures Rogue Hominid Infestation

There are a lot of diseases out there.  Most of them you can't see.  Billy Dean Riley was a walking, talking, screaming pile of human waste that was a disease on society.

There are a lot of people out there that believe that gun owners are sitting in their houses, armed to the teeth, waiting for someone to come through the door that they can shoot.  This could not be farther from the truth.  The woman involved in this story had no desire to kill this man.  She stated, multiple times, that she didn't want to kill.  When the time came and she had to defend herself, she chose to survive. 

Meth is Bad For You - Hot Mess Mugshot of the Day

This sweet and delicate thing is likely the victim of society.  I'm sure nobody loved her or hugged her enough as a child in our great city of Indianapolis.  Sadly, she has made poor lifestyle choices and is in need of shepherding by the gentle arms of the justice system.  If you are ever interested in experimenting with meth, read below to see her list of offenses.  Drugs are bad kids..... Drugs are bad...

Beene, Elva

Age: 27

Race: White

Sex: Female

Height: 5'5"

Weight: 125 lbs.

Frame: Sml

Build: Petite

Tattoos/Scars: None

Subject is wanted for failure to appear, burglary, possession of dangerous drugs-cocaine and marijuana, theft/receiving and larceny. Subject has an extensive criminal history with arrests for robbery, burglary, criminal recklessness and numerous counts of prostitution, theft and drug possession charges (cocaine and methamphetamines). Subject has used the names Elva Healy, Tory Todd and Shavon Marie Tate. Her last known address was Las Vegas, Nev. Please contact MCSD Warrants at 317-319-5869 with any information on this subject. If you wish to remain anonymous, you can call Crime Stoppers at 317-262-tips (8477) or toll free at 1-800-92-alert.

Marion County Sheriff’s Department warrants unit is looking for these felony suspects. Do not try to apprehend these people. Call the warrants unit at: 317-319-5869 if you have any information. This phone line is monitored 24 hours a day.

Technorati Tags: villains, hot mess, drugs, bad, indianapolis

Douchebag Neighbors: The Saga Continues

At a quarter till one in the morning I happened to be awake preparing Bonnie the Baby Goat's bottle when the outside dogs go nuts.  When they start barking I always head out to see what is going on.  I expected some kind of strange critter bothering the animals or a prowler.  For the second reason I always have a very large maglite and my Glock 21.  What I found was quite surprising.  My neighbor was out in the middle of his yard waving his arms and shining his flashlight at the outside kennel dogs.  Immediately I yell "HEY!"  He shuts the light off and takes off around the back of his house.   The whole time I am thinking OMGWTF???  and I immediately call my wife.  She's pretty pissed off by the whole deal (and rightfully so)  and suggests I call the police.  I have the greatest respect for our law enforcement and I HATE to bother them with any issues I may have.  I called the non-emergency IMPD # and shortly thereafter three officers show up.

They were exceptionally friendly and professional.  I apologised for bothering them in the middle of the night but I had no idea what else to do.  The father douche communicates only by yelling and screaming at his child and has repeatedly oogled my wife when he thought nobody was looking.  I don't think setting foot on his property would be a good idea and phone conversations would likely be recieved as well as attempts at communicating in person.  They confronted my douchebag neighbor now to be known as "DBN" who lamented the woes of living next to us. DBN then said he would "drop it this time" and would pursue things through animal control and legal channels.

...BLINK...
...BLINK...

 If I recall correctly, I was the one who called the police... hmmm... It looks like we will be getting yet another visit from animal control through them. Or, I guess I could say Mr. Anonymous... Maybe they will call CPS and the health department again! I wonder how much taxpayer money and public servant time they have wasted harassing us.

I should start a pool for people to bet on which agency will visit us next.  Any takers???

Technorati Tags: douchebag, neighbors

The Whistle

In light of recent events at our hospital and at the medical school which I attend,  we had a discussion about personal safety.  Later in the evening, my son had some questions for my wife.  When my wife told me about it, I had to share it.  Here is their conversation:

Nick and I sat down in the van to go shopping, and Nick found a little plastic whistle that I was recently given at work and asked where I got it. I explained that, recently, there have been several incidents of bad people in the parking lots and garages at work. I told him the story of a co-worker who had his vehicle broken into while he was in the process of getting his belongings out of it. I explained how my co-worker hit the would-be thief and held him there until hospital security could show up and arrest him. Nick was concerned that I shouldn’t walk in the garage by myself, and I assured him that I was always very careful and always left work with other people who were walking with me. That was when I explained that the Managers at the Hospital gave all of us whistles. We were to carry them in case a “bad guy” bothered us while we were walking to our cars we could whistle for help. I asked him what he thought. His response went something like this:
Nick: Well, I don’t know, I guess it might be a good idea.
Christi: What do you mean by “Might Be”?
Nick: Actually, I don’t think it’s a very good idea, I don’t think it will help you.
Christi: Why not?
Nick: How can the security guards hear the whistles in the big garage?
Christi: They can hear the whistles if they are close, but there usually aren’t any security guards in the garage.
Nick: There aren’t?
Christi: No, not always, they just drive through the garage every hour or so to check for problems. But, the whistle wouldn’t necessarily only be to call security guards. What if you were visiting a friend in the hospital and you parked your car in the garage and were walking inside when you heard someone blowing a whistle? What would you do?
Nick: Well, I’d see if I could find where the whistle sounds were coming from and see if I could help the person, if they needed help.
Christi: OK. Do you think most people would do that?
Nick: No
Christi: Why not?
Nick: I don’t think most people would think that was their job or their responsibility.
Christi: Really?
Nick: Yeah, I don’t think they would help.
Christi: So do you think the whistle is a good idea?
Nick: No, I don’t think it will help you if you get hurt by someone,….. It’s just a nice free whistle.

At 9 years old, this little sheepdog pup has more thoughtfulness and insight than many grown men I have known. 

With that I give you my solution.

Peta Once Again Proves They Are Insane

In a dazzling display of why they themselves should be spayed or neutered, PETA chose to parade in front of the Westminster Kennel Club Dogshow dressed as the KKK.  While it is tempting to like them for programs such as "Angels for Animals", they perpetually act in such idiotic ways that they destroy any credibility they have.  When choosing to broadcast a message to open up people's minds to new ideas, it probably isn't a good idea to dress up as people who have extremely closed minds and really shitty ideas.  Dumbasses....

BONUS:  PETA now has a Striptease Quiz where you answer questions in hopes to see a "schoolgirl" take it all off.  Strangely, I got 100%.  Aside from being in poor taste and a cheap marketing gimmick (well, actually I like that part about it), the ending leaves a lot to be desired. 

Here is their fake AKC meeting PSA involving more of their KKK douchiness.

 

Learn more about PETA's ABC campaign at PETA.org.

PETA + AL-QAEDA: PET AL-QAEDA - When Animals Attack

By now the entire world has heard of Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger.  He was piloting US Airways flight 1549 from New York's LaGuardia airport to Charlotte, North Carolina when he was attacked by a menace from the skies.  The menace I refer to is the unholy union of PETA, Al-Qaeda, and the migratory Canadian Geese population invading the United States.  Surely Captain Sullenberger deserves a medal for defending his passengers from these winged rats from hell.  We should have known that it would only be a matter of time before they turned on us completely.  For years the warning shots that left car windshields soiled and retention ponds fowled fouled have gone unheeded.  Yesterday, we witnessed suicide bombers of a new breed...  literally.  Our only hope is that security patrols be dispatched to every apartment complex and subdivision in the country to destroy these godless monsters.  Once, all we had to fear were zombies.  Now, we have winged death to battle.  God help us all.

Peta Proves They Have Lost Touch With Reality

Hat tip to Rachel Lucas for this little gem.  I have always thought it a shame that Peta chose to engage in bizarre campaigns to spread their message.  In certain cases, they have some valid points.  Their campaign to provide outside dogs with houses featured on HBO's "I am an Animal" were reasonable and noble.  There are a great deal of people who chose not to eat animal products and I don't take issue with them.  I agree that there is a great deal of unnecessary animal testing and that there are some changes that need to be made in the food industry's handling of commercial farms.  That being said, PETA has lost touch with reality. 

One of the latest campaigns against fishing and the eating of those tasty critters is the re-branding of fish as "SEA KITTENS".  Yes, I said "SEA KITTENS".  Seriously, I thought that it was a joke.  Please take the time to peruse this disturbing site.  My personal favorite is the "Sea Kitten Stories" where you "Find out what keeps the sea kittens up at night."  They are truly amazing.  The cartoons depicting sad and dejected (or dead) fish are insanely amusing.  It is almost as if the animator is making fun of the campaign itself.  I had to make my own "Sea Kitten' named Douchie. 

Seriously, if you want to effectively change the behavior of people, don't prove to the world that you are insane.  I seriously wonder what meds Ingrid Newkirk is or should be on.  If vegetarianism and animal activism makes you that crazy, I want no part of it.  I will now return to my kitten sushi.

Douchenozzle of the Week - Roy Pearson

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Infamous denizen of numerous off-beat news stories, former judge Roy Pearson, was once again legally kicked in the junk for his painfully infamous $54 million lawsuit over a pair of pants. Washington DC Court of Appeals ruled that Mr. Pearson's claims were without merit, thus ending this painful round of legal self-gratification by a man who once had the authority to legally judge others. Sadly, he has taken up valuable public court time, the time and effort of the defense team (thankfully done pro-bono), and ruined the financial lives of the Chung family. Thankfully, hospitals don't post a "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign posted anywhere. Why? Perhaps because someone may sue them for failing to satisfy them completely. Remember, we deal with life and death, this guy just lost a pair of pants. You can imagine just how upset when someone is sick. You can also imagine just how irate they get when someone makes a mistake. Human beings make mistakes, some of them cause harm to people. When you enter into any person to person interaction, there is a chance that one of them may make a mistake. The more people you add to the equation, the greater the chance you have of making a mistake. The longer you have someone involved in that interaction, the greater the chance of error. Imagine being a physician who has been awake over 24 hours who is caring for multiple patients. Imagine how easy it would be to order the wrong test, miss a vital piece of information, or make a procedural error. Now, realize that in a modern ICU environment, there are multiple teams of doctors participating in the care of a patient. There certainly are a lot of opportunities for something to go wrong... and they do. Thank goodness that physicians aren't responsible for taking care of Mr. Pearson's pants. I would wonder how high malpractice premiums would be were that the case.

A Lovely Day on Wall Street - How things went down....

By now most everyone has heard about the rotten day on Wall Street.  This is yet another manifestation of the giant turd that got thrown in the housing market.  Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy.  Everyone wants to be #1 in business, sadly not the #1 bankruptcy... ever.  It was only a matter of time.  For those of you who have been under a rock, here is how it went down:

Gullible Bright Eyed Family Seeks American Dream Home - The Mc Mansion
Greedy Unscrupulous Helpful Friendly Real Estate Agent shows houses above the family houses above their price range.  (Watch the irritating informative House Hunters they do this all the time)
Family goes "How beautiful!  We must own it!  But how can we?"
"Oh I Can help!" - The soulless mortgage broker chimes in.  We can give you an ARM at a SUPER LOW RATE!
"Since the housing market only goes UP, your house will be worth WAY MORE  in 3-5 years.  That's FREE EQUITY.  Just refinance in 5 years and you'll probably get an even better rate since you will have so much more equity. Just sign here! x___________________" - the evil mortgage broker smiles with crocadillian glee.

Bright Eyed Family DELETE:"Wait we can't really afford this! Why didn't we look at places we could afford? Can we afford utilities? What if the market drops?  What if rates go up?  Why do you look as though venom may drip from your secretly hidden fangs?  AAARRRGHHH RUN!!!"  REPLACE: "We'll Take it!   The American Dream!!!!"

Later that month (following closing of course).
The soulless mortgage broker meeting " Holy crap!  I can't believe all these people are buying this line of bullshit!  We have to sell these loans to someone and get out of it before they start missing payments.
Enter the MEGACORP DEBT COMPANY:
"Sure we'll buy these from you... things are going up, money is cheap and we'll take these off your hands.  They're legit right?"
"SURE!"
"Sold!" (stupid little company, now we get free money! Better yet, look at the FAT BONUSES I'm going to get!"

Months-Years Later
Bright Eyed Family "Holy crap what do you mean we can't refinance!  We can't afford this new rate!  Housing values go up not down!  How could our house be worth less?  Not eligible for a new loan?  Sell!!!!   What do you mean everyone else is selling??  I'll drop my price!  Nobody is buying?  Foreclosure??  Nooooooo!"
MEGACORP DEBT COMPANY: "Uh...   all these good loans are going bad and we're out of money.  What's the deal?"

From an un-named non-extradition treaty island in in the Caribbean:
"SHHHHHHH CLICK I WHOOOOOSHHH  can't CLICK  hear you WHOOOSH  CRACK bad signal CLICK"


Words to the not-so-wise:
#1 If it sounds too good to be true it is.
#2 People will lie, cheat, steal, or kill for money.  Beware people whose sole motivation lies in your wallet
#3 If you can't afford something, don't buy it.  Debt is like metaplasia, it might not hurt you, it might go away.  Then again, the state that it leaves you in may lead to a cancer that eats you alive... much like it has my portfolio.

Lehman Brothers, Finance, Wall Street, portfolio

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